Act like a Lady, Think like a Man: I keep seeing this phrase EVERYWHERE, especially from girls, I discover it’s a book about “What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment” and is a best selling non fiction book by Steve Harvey released on January 27, 2009. My first thought was why would who has been married THREE times have the audacity to write a book about what “Men” REALLY think about love and relationships, but then I recoiled from my first thoughts on the matter as not to be judgemental and maybe someone who has failed so many times may just be trying to warn others about the mistakes he (him and his past wives) had made, which I suppose is pretty noble and I am a fan of Steve Harvey and I usually have allot of time for what he has to say, but the more I listened to girls talking about this the more I became irritated to the point I thought I would blog my own thoughts.
Disclosure: Firstly I would like to say I haven’t read the book at all so maybe I am way off and I’m only going on what I have heard from people, reviews and such.
Secondly I’m very dyslexic and I really can’t be bothered to get someone to check through my blog atm, so you going to have to read about the poor syntax, grammar and spelling.
With all that said buckle up lets go…
My first thoughts of course were what is it a man thinks like, what does it mean to think like a man?
It is widely assumed men are afraid of commitment, flirtatious, cheats, sexually stimulated, romantically lazy and more (correct me if I’m wrong, I’m just summarising what I read daily on twitter, see on bb status, hear on talk shows and music lyrics), these attributes describe a boy, a man is not defined by age but by maturity and a reaction to responsibility, to assume all guys are like this and see them in a negative light to the point where you have to start thinking differently from you norm immediately puts you on a back step, a relationship should have no self-help book to help you or tell you how to act if you can’t be yourself, then there is a problem.
But let’s for a moment assume we can categorise ALL guys as ONE thing, as if all MEN think ONE way, the main question that comes to my mind is what is wrong with thinking like a women, the phrase implies two things ONE a women must think like a man to get anywhere in life and to get/keep a man. So if everyone’s thinking like a man who is thinking like women? I think this is detrimental and undermines the strength and power of women but I’ll go into this a little later.
What is the difference between men and women anyway, probably should have been the first thing I discussed, I’m going to attempt to break it down to 5 main things, using researching from science and psychologist.
Major differences between men and women
1) Communication skills & body language The communication center inside a woman’s brain is much larger than the communication center inside a man’s brain. Women pay special attention to words, read in between lines and can notice the body language of people along with their facial expressions in a much better way than men. (I BET MOST MEN SKIM READ THIS lol)
2) Sharing vs problem solving: Men in general are more independent than women. They even prefer to solve their problems alone without talking about them. Women on the other hand become distressed if they didn’t share their problems with their friends even if their friends weren’t able to provide solution’s. This is a famous point of conflict where a woman tells her man about a problem with the intention of sharing it with him then becomes surprised by the man’s single line answer (which is intended to provide a solution to the problem). This is also the reason why women go to bathroom in groups, so they can give each other the donwlow on whats going on.
3) Attraction and sex: The Part inside the brain responsible for sexual desire is much bigger inside the man’s brain. Men are allot more visually stimulated then women and draw attraction from what they see and feel, as appose to women who are more likely to draw an attraction from a mental connection, someone that makes them feel wanted.
4) Aggression vs diplomacy: Women are biologically wired to avoid conflict unless some other psychological factor comes into play (such as defensive of a child, the mother affect). Men on the other hand are much more aggressive in general A typical woman would try to avoid conflict and maintain peace while a typical man will hardly back off if someone threatened or challenged him. It’s likely a man will be seen as female if he does.
5) Logical thinking vs emotional thinking: Men in general can take decisions without being emotionally affected that much while women in general take into consideration other factors that are related to emotions that most men overlook.
Now if I’m right in understanding Steve Harvey, a woman must think more like a man then a woman ( here natural thinking) to keep a solid relationship, so in the situations listed above she should try and get herself into the male psyche and think more like him to achieve in life. For one this is one sided why wouldn’t you also get a man to think like a women, it implies women have to do all the work, which is silly, it also implies that the way the women thinks is wrong and the way the male thinks is superior and a women must give up the way she thinks if she is to get a good man.
For centuries the differences between men and women were socially defined and distorted through the lens of sexism, after a rise of feminism with the famous “bra burners” women sought to be more like men to get rid of the male superiority, there was a rise of lesbianism, women cut their hair off, started dressing like men, cutting of their emotions and becoming business minded.
Men and women are different that much is plain to see just by our sexual anatomy but must women have a total drastic change of mind to achieve or do well in life, or even get a man. As a Christian my belief is a creation of women starting at Eve and it’s a well-known story even among atheist, when God made Eve he said it is not good for man to be alone. Women were made as a comforter of men, as a mother of men and adviser of men (if we are to use the model of Eve). First looking at the comforter roll, even when a guy has his “boys” there will be times when he will go to his wife, his mum, his sister for help of advice she brings a different perspective, she usually more emotionally attached then his boys better at reading between the lines and this makes women invaluable as the comforter, men don’t want to be with their boy, they want to be with their WOMEN and whilst there will be clashes as men and women are different they want to come home to their WOMEN, not to one of their homies or boys.
Women still using the model of Eve, are the mothers, naturally women are allot more caring then men, some even say they have that natural mother tendency that takes over and it can even be seen in nature with animals, the female naturally seems to have that “mothers touch”, this again makes females invaluable as caretakers, not just of children but of friendship groups, the work place, church, university, school usually a woman will fall into that role of Mother, the careers and not just domestically with food and washing up, they are great listeners, they are more peaceful and often better at calming down a situation.
Lastly Eve was created as Adam co-d, chief advisor, men need women to be DIFFERENT, in fact the WORLD NEEDS women to be different, to see outside the logical box men are in they need women to give opinions and see things in a way they can’t, whilst I think men make better leaders (naturally) allot of men are poor managers and its takes a leader and a manager to be in charge, women are naturally better organisers and its these unique qualities that attract men to women.
I think it’s quite detrimental in society where the lines are blurred and men become more like women and women become more like men, (JUST LOOK AT LIL WAYNE AND HIS DRESS SENSE) allot of MEN are not the MAN anymore and they don’t have that leadership, that a strength that protective quality needed, allot of men are too scared to be fathers leaving women as single parents this and more LEADS women to have to take a more man role in life, and
Where the men are not men women will HAVE to rise up.
My concluding thoughts as I have rambled on is WOMEN BE WOMEN, be proud of WHO YOU ARE, you don’t need to be MEN, when you forget the power and strength of what it means to be a WOMEN you forget Gods plan for us, a marriage where two people think the same is never going to be that fulfilling, women were made to be the missing part that men are not, you were made UNQIUE women, taken from the rib, not the head that you will be above the man OR the foot that you should be below him, but the RIB that you shall be equal to him, and together men and women power is unimaginable.
Girls think like a WOMAN and ACT LIKE A WOMAN boys think like a MAN AND ACT LIKE A MAN
P.S for relationship advice holla i have done a blog on how to MAKE IT WORK, and proof is in the pudding my parents together for 25 years happily married.